Pressing Questions: Part One

Who are you?

So tell me, what do you do when you are asked the trivial question of “who are you”? Why even ask the question? What is so important about finding ourselves so soon or at all for that matter?

There are answers to these questions and these answers I will share with you, may not be factual, but I feel entitled to share with you my opinion because my perspective may influence another which could influence another, which could ultimately have this domino effect that no one thought possible. So tag along dear readers and enjoy the confusion fest.

Confused Melanie(Inside my head): Okay, so why ask this question over and over again?
Emotional Josie (Inside my head): No freaking clue! I mean seriously who knows why people ask this question!
Rational Joey (Also inside my head): I’m not a counselor or a therapist or anything but they are the main people who choose to ask this question to confused patients, mainly to those patients who they want to understand better and patients who need to understand themselves.
Melanie: So you’re saying people who don’t understand themselves get asked these questions frequently?
Joey: Pretty much.
Josie: Then why do people ask me!
Joey: Probably along the same lines as why you need a counselor in the first place.
Josie: Oh . . . sure.
Melanie: But I know who I am.
Josie: Yeah so do I.
Joey: Oh really?
Josie: Yeah. I am an overly emotional person.
Melanie: No, I am confused person.
Joey: And I think I am quite rational.
All: So which is it?

I believe we are like tootsie pops. And no I don’t believe we are internally made up of chocolate. That’s not what I am saying at all. I’m saying I believe that each individual has an identification code that is partly inherited or environmentally set for each of us. This code is something we cant even crack sometimes. We are too complex. “Which is it” simply cannot do because there is more to us than just one specific answer to who we are. We are not the “x” to an algebra equation. We have no definite answer and there is no way we ever will. Maybe that’s the reason for a soul mate. Not specifically someone to love romantically but someone that can relate to us the most, because that someone was implanted with the knowledge of our code since their birth. And this is not about love but it’s about finding ourselves and maybe soul mates exist for that reason (This was just to get you guys to think about that for a bit). Not knowing who we are can be troubling, which is why I think we are asked so frequently. The purpose of our existence can be easily misinterpreted when attempting to read our code blindly. We have no idea who we are or what we’ll become but we do know that there are people who know us better than we know ourselves and maybe we need people to ask us this question so we can use them in order to know our purpose. But why is knowing our purpose important? Maybe I do have an idea why but I do want you to tell me.

Stick around if you want to know my personal answer to the next question. If you have any comments please don’t hesitate to let them enter my life or tell me how you feel. And please answer the questions yourself if you’d like. Until next time. *Cheesecake and Root beer! (Because they are so much better than hugs and kisses and this is how I want to end my entries from now on)*

-Rupp

Random Late Night Quote!

She didn’t say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse ‘I love you’ with ‘May I take your order?’

― Jarod Kintz

Okay so this was not planned at all. Well . . . okay I lied. I meant to post a quote; however, I never thought I’d find this specific quote. I did type ‘quotes about daydreaming’ into the google search engine, but I never expected to find something this powerful, in my opinion. I don’t know about any of you but I got chills reading this quote. I was literally almost brought to tears because I get it. Someone gets me and I totally relate to them. If you don’t get it, then you may not be an avid daydreamer like Jarod Kintz and I but that’s totally fine. You may look at this quote and smile without being overwhelmed or you may not even care and that’s fine too. I just wanted to share this because I thought no one truly understood why daydreaming can be hurtful or dangerous. What daydreamers want to be reality, is not actually real and coming back to reality is excruciating at times, whether the daydream is totally far off or somewhat realistic. Waking up from a good daydream can be the worst part of any day. Sorry for the random thoughts guys! Enjoy your night!
-Rupp

The Advantage of Simplicity

Hello readers! I know I haven’t posted in a while but I am back and ready to share a lot with you tonight!

Okay so one of the main themes of this blog is to help outcasts/weirdos/freaks understand that they are important. We also wanted this group of people to embrace and love who they were born to be. So tonight I wanted to share the college essay I wrote this time last year. I have not edited it or looked over it much since I handed it in. But I wanted to share it because I had good reviews for it and I thought it related to the major theme of Ruptured Paradigm. So read, enjoy, and tell me what you think!

Shocked and amazed by the arachnid’s skillful weaving of its beautiful web; I watch the efforts and the feeling the spider puts into making its new home. With the sun beating down its back it continues to work diligently. Anyone who should ever walk by this artwork would be awed. I cannot express my jealousy of the web; it is beautiful, mesmerizing, and well-structured. Being the person I am tends to be difficult. Teenagers similar to me fail to realize how important they can be in life. However, it will never be easy to see my importance. The question I always ask myself is how can I fully understand how important I am, when I am just the pole the web hangs on?
When I first had the thought that my existence did not matter, the whole course of my life changed. Changes such as this one are never usually positive. Everything around me meant nothing. The only important aspect of my life was school. Nevertheless, I was not completely there. I would come into class, stay quiet, take notes and zone out. On test days I would look over the notes at least once and still ace the test with flying colors. Most people would not see a problem with this method because I was getting straight A’s and all my teachers enjoyed my presence because I made it appear as though everything was “all good”. On the other hand, I was floating by in my own world. No one knew what was going on in my head, mostly because they never cared to ask. As a high school student anyone could get self-absorbed and not even care about someone who feels alone, even if they are around their friends. Even being at home was difficult. Before my mother sustained her injuries in a car accident a few years back my family was always in my face and I never had time to think negatively because I could feel people there for me. Ever since the accident everyone in my household needs more space. All of us are secluded in our own rooms and whenever I was alone I would cry and wish someone could hold me because my worst fear is being alone. But I would always end up alone in the end, drowning in my own life threatening thoughts. I walked the halls carelessly, wondering if I could make it another day feeling worthless and having no particular purpose in life. I could never cope with signs and people saying not to fit in because not “fitting in” has become the social norm or now as it seems the “social differences”. I have never fit into the social norm because I always believed no one would accept someone they could not even see. How could I survive in a world that encourages everyone to “stand out” and be “different”? How do I feel confident when I am the rough surrounding the various diamonds? How can I be a special web in a world with so many other webs surrounding me? These things were and always will be impossible for someone like me. As appealing as being a part of the popular crowd sounds, it is a cliché. I was not and will never be a cliché.
To this day I am still that invisible pole the web hangs off of. I am quiet. I am shy. I am figuratively invisible to everyone around me. Being alone never ceases to have an effect on my thoughts every single day and I overcome my failures. I conquer it every day by just waking up and being there. The pole was strong. It is also supportive, forced to be stable, and it was present. That spider could always use another pole, building, or roof to put its web on, but it did not use some other sturdy environment because the pole was convenient. My purpose is not for my personal benefit. My existence is used to help that web, that person, hang onto me and use me to stay strong. Even if I am not seen or heard I am here for something or someone. The minute I wake up in the morning I am fighting a battle with myself and knowing that someone in this world needs me will help my positivity strive. I am not as particularly special as the world encourages everyone to be and that is perfectly acceptable for me. I am quiet and I am shy but I am also strong. I am intelligent. I am athletic. I am supportive and I am one of the few people in this world that can accept that they were not meant to be a star but to be the stage they stand on. I may not know my full worth in life just yet. In spite of this, I am certain that I am worth a chance.

Thanks for reading!
-Rupp

Saturday Quote

If you risk nothing, then you risk everything.

– Geena Davis

I have recently discovered that I have not taken many risks in my life. Unless you count rolling your eyes at your parents a risk, then I may have taken more risks than I thought. But the point is I am not taking any major risks in my life right now. Now I don’t mean risks like skydiving or drinking my butt off at a high school party. No, I mean chasing my dreams or going after anything I am passionate about. I never want to have that ‘what if’ moment. Because at the end of the day I want to be proud and not full of regret and anger. And most importantly I want to be able to wake up in the morning and actually believe I will have a good day. Before today I thought I just did not have the time to try something new or exciting. But the truth is I was afraid to fail.

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

― Albert Einstein

Mirrors

What is the first thought that pops into your mind when walking past a mirror? Do you think to stop and admire yourself? Do you point out the flaws or blemishes you might notice? Or do you walk past without a second thought?

I tend to run from my reflection. I never want to see how others perceive me, mostly out of fear. I did not realize how much I feared mirrors until a project was given to myself and others to look in personal mirrors, that we were provided, and write on the mirror the beautiful things we felt about ourselves. Honestly, it was one of the hardest challenges I was ever given. To continuously have to look at myself and think of only positive things was pointless to me at the time. I had nothing positive to say. I noticed during this “excercise”, as they called it, that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. We all seemed to struggle to view ourselves the way others saw us.

What I’m failing to understand, as I look back on this experience, is what we feared to see when we looked into those mirrors. We allow others to view us the same way everyday yet we cannot allow ourselves to be in the presence of our own reflection. Maybe it is not the outer appearance we sometimes fear. Maybe it is the us we are able to hide, the us that keeps secrets, the us that fights back all the tears, and the us with hidden wounds that cut so deep we are not able to speak them aloud because it only makes them more real. It is not our reflection that we fear, it is our hidden weaknesses only we can see, past our beautiful exterior. Maybe we are not able to face who we truly know we are.

I fear the truth. I fear what I bury deep inside my thoughts never to be thought of again. That is why I challenge to face my fear of myself. I refuse to see myself living behind a mask that only holds me back. I challenge whoever hides behind their own mask to look into their mirror and face what you fear because we cannot learn to love ourselves if we cannot begin to treat our wounds.
-Rupp

Monday Quote

“Words have
no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality”

~Edgar Allen Poe

To start off my day, I usually look up a quote or am provided with a quote from one of my professors. Today I wanted to share a simple quote from Edgar Allen Poe to get the opinions of others. I feel that it’s great to establish your own opinion, however, I believe there are different ways to interpret text. Tell me what you think! -Rupp