Mirrors

What is the first thought that pops into your mind when walking past a mirror? Do you think to stop and admire yourself? Do you point out the flaws or blemishes you might notice? Or do you walk past without a second thought?

I tend to run from my reflection. I never want to see how others perceive me, mostly out of fear. I did not realize how much I feared mirrors until a project was given to myself and others to look in personal mirrors, that we were provided, and write on the mirror the beautiful things we felt about ourselves. Honestly, it was one of the hardest challenges I was ever given. To continuously have to look at myself and think of only positive things was pointless to me at the time. I had nothing positive to say. I noticed during this “excercise”, as they called it, that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. We all seemed to struggle to view ourselves the way others saw us.

What I’m failing to understand, as I look back on this experience, is what we feared to see when we looked into those mirrors. We allow others to view us the same way everyday yet we cannot allow ourselves to be in the presence of our own reflection. Maybe it is not the outer appearance we sometimes fear. Maybe it is the us we are able to hide, the us that keeps secrets, the us that fights back all the tears, and the us with hidden wounds that cut so deep we are not able to speak them aloud because it only makes them more real. It is not our reflection that we fear, it is our hidden weaknesses only we can see, past our beautiful exterior. Maybe we are not able to face who we truly know we are.

I fear the truth. I fear what I bury deep inside my thoughts never to be thought of again. That is why I challenge to face my fear of myself. I refuse to see myself living behind a mask that only holds me back. I challenge whoever hides behind their own mask to look into their mirror and face what you fear because we cannot learn to love ourselves if we cannot begin to treat our wounds.
-Rupp